This scene/conversation in Lilo and Stitch always makes me well up in tears:

Grand Councilwoman: “… If it wasn’t for your Experiment 626 none of this -”

Stitch: “Stitch”.

Grand Councilwoman: “What?”

Stitch: “My name Stitch.”

Grand Councilwoman: “Stitch then, if it wasn’t for Stitch, …”

Stitch: “Does Stitch have to go in the ship?”

Grand Councilwoman: “Yes…”

Stitch: “Can Stitch say goodbye?”

Grand Councilwoman: “Yes.”

Stitch: “Thank you.”

Grand Councilwoman: “Who are you?”

Stitch: “This is my family. I found it. All on my own. It’s little. And broken. But still good. Yeah, still good.”

Just watch the scene, really.

I’m in love with the Lilo and Stitch soundtrack!

embedded by Embedded Video

[And I'm also secretly in love with Elvis Presley's songs :]

Yes, this is another one of those nights where I’m getting insomnia.

Sometimes I wonder why humans are such… strange creatures. Some are so rational, some are so irrational. Some make sense and some don’t make sense.

I suppose that’s what makes us human, I guess.

Bogged down by a lot of thoughts recently; should go and empty them in a bin and start out afresh. Why do I keep thinking, pondering, believing, hoping? The incredulity of the situation is just so startling. It’s impossible. It’s too impossible. But yet, I am clinging to that thin thread of hope, hoping. Hoping. Hope. Hop. Ho. H. Why? Why do I still do so?

For once in my life, Taylor Swift’s songs are therapeutic. I think I will catch Inception another day. Stuffing too many thoughts, visions and dreams in my cranium is not exactly the healthiest thing on Earth.

It’s 1.15am in the morning. I ought to be sleeping now; I should be sleeping now because I have to teach tomorrow. But it doesn’t matter. Somehow, I have the urge to write this post here — not because I’m bored, not because I’m suffering from insomnia, but because I want to make sure that I’ll have this post for myself to read in the future.

It’s been quite a few weeks since I last made a serious effort in writing something (the last post auf Deutsch doesn’t count, because it was just announcing my extreme unhappiness over Germany’s exit from the World Cup), but the weeks that have passed by have been fun and thrilling. True, I’m still working. People have chided me for not relaxing, but hey, I’m happy at work. I get to see new stuff, I get to learn new things, and I get to hang around cool people. I’m working till the end of July, and school starts in early August. I’m not worried about not taking a break. At least, besides working from 9am to 6pm everyday, I’ve taken leave to meet some of my old chaps who are flying off soon.

Sometimes there’s this pang of sadness that runs through my veins whenever I think of my friends who are flying off to the US, UK, China, Australia… or whatever country, to fulfill their ambitions and their goals. Don’t get me wrong — I’m happy for them that they’ve managed to get a college that they want. But it feels so sad having to see them leave. Most of my closest friends are leaving, especially my secondary school friends. Alicia, Grace and Guppy. They’re all leaving soon, and they’ll only be back four years later. Or five. Or maybe they won’t come back at all, if they’ve decided to live there eventually. Sometimes I wish I could fly off too; embark on my own adventure, come back to Singapore with the ability to see the small island with a completely new different perspective. I’m not too late to do so, honestly. I’m just too late to join my friends who would get to see the world from a new angle first.

It feels as if 6 years has just flown by. Time doesn’t wait for you. I still remember how I used to see Alica, Grace and Guppy in their Dunman High school uniform. Nowadays, it’s just t-shirt, pants, and occasionally a dress or a skirt. Grace especially; since her Dunman High days, I’ve never caught her tying up her hair. I still recollect how we went to catch the NDP in 2005 together because I had free tickets at the last minute (courtesy of my grandpa) and she was free. When Xiao Ming offered me tickets to watch the NDP rehearsal last night if he could get them, I felt this sense of nostalgia. And then I realized, wow, how time has passed.  Yet the Grace that I know now — though having slightly changed in appearance since 2005– is still the same old Grace that I love to chill out with, at Funan MacDonalds, sipping hot tea (she with her coke) and either doing some random work from school or just… chatting. But hey, we still hang out. In any case, I’m really happy for her, because she’s finally managed to get the course that she wanted at her dream school, and finally secured a scholarship.

Alicia is leaving, too, but for the other end of the globe. She’s flying to China to study and I’m really happy for her that she got into one of the top Universities in China. Though we don’t hang out much physically, I’m darn glad that Microsoft invented MSN Messenger so that we can all talk, share our emotions and then bid farewell and turn in for the night. She’s been an awesome buddy, hearing me speak when I need a friend to rant to, and I hope I’ve been a good pal, hearing you when you needed someone to listen to you. I’ll definitely miss drinking tea with her and I’ll be missing the annual Christmas Eve meet-up that we practised for almost all our lives that we met for the next few years to come, except for last year, when she went overases. I hope MSN Messenger works in China. Worse come to the worse, I’ll figure out how to use QQ. Thank you — all those scientists, computer developers, etc — thank you all for inventing the internet.

And it’s not just her. Sandy, Sonia, Sarah… they’re all leaving too. To fly to greater heights. It just feels sad to know that I’d miss chilling out with them. This very fact bites me at times. Sometimes I feel a bit scared — what if the people that I know now are gonna be a whole new person 5 years down the road, after they’ve graduated from University, from abroad or here? But hey, people change. We grow up. It’s not just my friends who are gonna change; I, too, will definitely change in some way or another (of course, I secretly hope that I will lose more weight and be secretly much much much smarter) after I graduate from NUS. Although all of us will change in 5 years, I believe that there’ll still be some sort of thread that will hold our friendships together. That thread would be the memories that we’ve shared in the past 5 years — such memories would be the cornerstone in holding our friendships together for the next 5, 10, or even 15 and more years to come.

As for me, I’m staying here. Though a bit sad at the fact that I’ve never actually achieved my dream of studying overseas for a long period of time, I’m somehow slightly glad that I have a reason to stay. I have a wonderful family; Jolyn will be entering law school with me, Muyao will still be around to be my fashion and shopping buddy. I would still have Yuan Lin and Eelyn to play the drums and guitars with… I get to see my chinchillas look at me eagerly, wanting an apple stick or a raisin treat, everytime I come back home from work or school. I get to look after my fish and clean their tanks. I’ll have Jon. It doesn’t sound so bad after all, does it?

It just freaks me out everytime when I notice how fast time has gone by. A year sounds long; 52 weeks sounds like it will take ages to pass, but a week is going by in my life at an alarming rate. Take work for example. A week just flies by like that at work. In two more weeks, my contract at the company would end. I wouldn’t be walking to Eunos MRT or the familiar Malay food store at Joo Chiat Complex to eat lunch with my colleagues anymore. I wouldn’t be licking Mr. Bean’s soya ice-cream while walking back to my workplace. It just seemed only a while ago that my boss brought me into the firm, last year in the last week of December, and introduced me to my mentor who would look after me for 3 months. I spent a whole 7 months at the company, learning new things that I doubt I’ll be able to learn at school. I’m grateful for this chance and opportunity, hence the decision to stay on to maximize my learning while I still can. These 7 months have been enriching, and I thank you all (if any of my colleagues ever read this small site that’s tucked away in the corner of the world wide web) for giving me a chance to a learn and for being patient with me.

Time and tide wait for no man. We can’t go back in time to change the past; well, so that means we’ve gotta live life at present and anticipate the future. Somehow I know that I’ll be coming back to read this in the future to revisit the past when Grace, Alicia and the rest of the lot are studying overseas. Well, at least I’ll have something to reminisces about, to let my mind drift and float away from the hectic life that I believe I will experience in the next few years, or even decades, to come. I’m pretty much expecting my life to be very hectic and that I’ll probably be studying or working my heart out… so to all those out there, please remind me to get some fun in the sun every now and then and not hide inside my room or office. I’m sure Jolyn and Miao would do a great job, wouldn’t they.

It’s 2am. I finish writing this long post. I’m not sure whether I’ll have to teach later on… but ah well, I suppose it’s time to sleep. Good night, and to end off on a random note because I feel like it, may the force be with you.

Ganz traurig, weil Deutschland verloren hat. Aber ich muss sagen, dass die Spanien gut gespielt hat.

Ich will auf die naechste Weltmeisterschaft warten… TORWARTS DEUTSCHLAND!!!